The Male Profile…What’s up with that? Part Two…

A few things that are best kept to yourself…

1. What?! You’re 46 and never been married?! First, we won’t know how to respond to that. We’re either going to think you’re the pickiest bastard out there, or you’re not marriage material. And even if we’re not looking to find a husband, if you’ve never been able to get a woman to do the marriage march, then odds are we aren’t going to want to march anywhere with you. Not that I’m suggesting you lie, but there is something to be said for keeping some deep dark secrets to yourself…at least until we can see for ourselves that you don’t have a third eye in the back of your head.

2. What?! You don’t believe in astrology?! Okay, it’s not that we do believe in astrology (I do, but that’s me and I promise I won’t push my beliefs on you), but most of us do read each and every article and/or column we find that relates to our zodiac sign…just for fun, of course. So, when you flat out say that you don’t believe in that crap, well, you’ve just labeled yourself a killjoy. You’re probably also a pessimist, a naysayer, a cup is half empty kind of guy. And that makes you so not our kind of fun.

3. Are your kids the most important thing in your life? Great. Odds are we feel the same. But telling us that from the get-go makes us feel like we’ll always come second…that nothing we feel/think will ever be as important or matter as much as what your kids feel/think.

4. Have you killed yourself an animal or two? I promise you, we don’t need to see the photos on your profile page. If you feel it necessary to mention–briefly–that you’re a hunter, fine. Mention it and move on. Enough said. Unless, of course, you happen to be looking for a companion who also enjoys snuffing out the life of other living beings.

5. Do you claim to be divorced? From your soul mate? Then you’re not ready to have a cup of coffee with us, let alone go on a real date. If your ex is still your soul mate, what role can we expect to play?

6. Your temper. Keep it to yourself. Because I promise you that if you’re one of those impatient men who can’t wait long enough for us to decide whether or not you’re the next big news story (aka Ted Bundy), then we aren’t going to get there any faster if you fly off the handle, blow your stack, cuss a blue streak, threaten bodily harm, or call us names when we refuse to give you our phone number after the first email, don’t call you five times a day, or don’t email you ten times a day. Because if that’s who you are, then we won’t ever want to meet, call, or email you. Not even once!

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