And here are a few more…cooler weather, deciduous trees, the ability to eat again (i.e., pizza and chocolate), and, of course, the end of FICA…for some of us anyway. But before I digress into a diatribe about the evil twins–our government and taxes–let me go back to cooler weather, where I’ll discuss the connection between dropping temperatures and the ability to eat again. Most of you ladies out there know exactly what I’m talking about, but for those few of you who have yet to experience the yearly female feast and famine ritual, here’s the low-down. A mere ten degree drop in temperature means we can continue to wear our strappy sandals, but we can also slip into one of our favorite tees (that we’ve all but forgotten about over the long, hot summer), without risk of suffering heat exhaustion. A twenty-degree drop allows us an occasional day where we can skip the shaving, exfoliating, and moisturizing that has become part of our daily routine during leg-baring weather. All we need do is wiggle into a cute pair of jeans and voila! we’re good to go! Thirty degrees–this is where I start to get excited–and we can go on a three-day chocolate binge, where all that’s required to cover the evidence is donning a light-weight jacket. And when the mercury drops forty plus degrees, we can get away with chowing down on pizza for dinner, topped off with chocolate cake for dessert, two days in one week. Because when it’s that cold? All that’s necessary to cover the bulges you’ve gained is zip yourself into your favorite puffy Ralph Lauren ski parka.
Okay, now that we’ve got eating covered, let’s move on to deciduous trees and losing some of that weight you will undoubtedly gain by feasting on pizza and chocolate cake. Some of you may think I’ve gone bat$#!% crazy when you read this, but trees that shed leaves all over your yard present you with an opportunity you dare not waste. Listen up, ladies. I’m talking about arms here. That’s right, arms! Beautiful, toned, sexy arms that can only be yours if you put in the time…raking leaves, that is. The more the better. According to Livestrong.com, raking leaves for just 10 minutes counts toward 150 minutes of moderate aerobic exertion. So, don’t just sit there complaining about the huge maple trees behind your house, get out there and work that rake. Make no mistake, other women will burn with envy, some will even glare at you from behind their martini glasses, but you will be laughing the last laugh, because when you step out on the town in your new holiday frock, your arms will rock! And all because you spent a little time tidying up your yard. I don’t know about you, but I see this raking business as having a three-fold benefit: calories burned, sexy arms, and the opportunity to build a better relationship with your teenage son. He’ll be so grateful you didn’t ask him to do the raking that he’ll do all his other chores without question. Heck, you may even be able to eat pizza and chocolate cake three days a week. Though I wonder, wouldn’t it be most perfect if trees lost their leaves twice a year–spring and fall? Then not only would we look stunning in our holiday wear, but we’d also have beach ready arms when summer arrived. Just saying…
But enough about sexy arms and pigging out. Here are a couple other reasons to love autumn: 1) you no longer have to risk dislocating your entire body by dragging a hose around the yard to give your flowers a drink; and 2) the sun still appears often enough that you can continue to forgo a Vitamin D supplement.
Okay, so I’m sensing a few moans out there. Enough already! Just tell me about that FICA business you mentioned earlier. Okay, here’s the 411 on that… For those of you in the know, no explanation is necessary, except to inform you that once again your government has been hard at work raising your taxes. (For 2014, FICA has been increased to $117,000, from $113,700 in 2013). But for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, it might be better–especially if you suffer from high blood pressure and/or bouts of anxiety–for you stay in the dark. Though if staying in the dark doesn’t appeal to you, listen up. The end of FICA means that after you reach a certain point in your yearly earnings, you may take home a little more pay with each paycheck. And that, my friends, is not such a bad thing with the holiday season lurking just over the horizon.
What about you? What’s your favorite season, and why?